Saturday, February 5, 2011

I'm odd

Or as one friend says “You’re so odd” and she’s right. Now don’t go getting upset or whatever with this friend who every now and again calls me, odd. Without her I probably wouldn’t have traveled this far, so very far.

I’ve always been the one who saw left of centre when others looked right, and you guessed it, right when they looked left.

I’m out of touch with normal life cause I don’t understand normal. Normal to me is looking at a tree stump and wondering who lives there. Normal to me is being odd.

The theme for this month’s blog is – relationships. I thought of my parents, my hubby, and my grandmother who died a month ago. I always think of my daughter. But something strange happened, I realized I’m doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do and I’m dang good at it.

I believe in me. There’s my blog topic – me.

Our relationship with ourselves shapes everything we do. No matter how much we are praised, supported, encouraged, or whatever, if we don’t do this for ourselves we’ll keep floating by unsure of ourselves. It’s like looking over our shoulder waiting for someone to jump out and catch us faking our lives.

It is so much easier to believe the one person who whispers a single negative word then all those who shout our praises from mountaintops.

At age thirty-three or thirty-four, I spent a week crying. No idea why. Thought I was crazy. Believed I was failing everything and everyone. Yeah, let’s call this the emotional breakdown that built me up.

It didn’t matter my parents, grandparents, husband, or anyone else believed in me. I worried more about those outside of me. I could have care less about the crying me inside. Where others knew how to let anything and everything wash off their backs like water off a duck, I had to learn this. Can’t say I learned it easily or that I know it by heart. But I know it more and more each moment.

So, yes, the most important relationship anyone can have is the one with themself. In my humble opinion…heck forget the humble part. YOU must matter to you, first and foremost.

This doesn’t give you carte blanche to run roughshod over anyone else. It gives you the unique view of understanding what you say and do has an affect on everyone around you.

The scariest place I have ever gone into was myself. Delving deep into who I was, who I wanted to be, and coming out a whole me. Did this make the naysayers happy? Noooooooo. How did this changing stronger me appear to those who always knew who I was and could be? I now hear their voices yelling from the mountaintops and I believe them.

Yes, I am odd. And you know what…I LIKE IT!

7 comments:

Lea said...

Oh, Chris, there's nothing about you that I would change. It's that 'oddball' in you I love so dearly. And understanding how good you are in your job and professional attitude is something I am so happy to hear finally.

Keep that close to you always.

ChrisChat said...

Will do, Lea.

;)

Chris

L. K. Below said...

What very valid points you bring up, Chris. Having good self-confidence does change the way you look at the world.

And yay for being odd!!

Joylene Butler said...

Boy can I relate. I remember thinking every time my mother told me I was smart or pretty that her opinion didn't count because she was my mother. Wish she were here now so I could apologize.

Great post, Chris. Thanks.

ChrisChat said...

LK - three cheers for oddballs!

Joylene - no need to apologize, you know now what she always knew and by being YOU is all any mother wants for her child(ren) You're now in the position of taking this forward with you to all you touch. Yes, it's the mother in me that's coming out now :)HUGS

Heather Haven said...

Chris, what a great blog. I've always said how can you really love anybody else if you can't love yourself? I don't get, however, what is odd about you. I often look at a tree stump and wonder who used to live there. Maybe that makes me odd, too. Hmmmm. And yet we're so darn lovable!

Jane Richardson, writer said...

Love this. Sometimes the person we know least is the one we should know most. Hey, if you're odd, then I'm odd too - let's celebrate! Great blog.

Jane x