Frank Scully, author of,
A Decade Series Mystery
All Hallows Eve Dreams
In a field of flowers I found bones. Piles of human bones. Broken skulls stared at me under a blue sky with puffy clouds. They were my bones and the bones of those I loved. I knew this as I picked them up and held them wanting to piece together my life and restore my loved ones. I couldn’t do it, no matter how hard I tried. Skulls with gaping eye sockets stared at me. I was so frustrated I hit my own skull. But I could not wake up.
I walked among the bones. They stirred beneath my feet, seeming to be ready to talk to me. I could hear them, my sons laughing as they played in the back yard, my daughter whispering a secret to her mother. My sweetheart walked beside me, smiling at me and yet weeping. I felt the pain and joy of life. I wanted to hold them again and tell them I loved them. It was a need I felt in my heart and soul. I yelled it out and still I could not wake up.
I spoke to the bones, asking them why they were there. They ignored my question and went on with what they were doing. In the breeze that pushed the clouds and made the flowers bend I saw the lives of my loved ones scroll by. I watched my children being born. I saw all the skinned knees, report cards, birthdays, pets, arguments, and all the turmoil and happiness of my children growing up. Graduating from school and moving on. Marriage and children of their own flowed past me. Lifetimes of tears of joy and sorrow spilled out of our eyes. In my heart I felt it all, lived it all. Every moment of it; all at the same time. And still I could not wake up.
They took my hand and led me further into the field. Wondrous blooms in vivid colors swirled around me. My mother met me bringing the scent of fresh baked bread along with a broad smile of welcome. My father nodded his approval, something I sought and yearned for every day of my life. They were young and vibrant and old and wrinkled at the same time. I felt old, and I felt young. I wanted to tell them everything, but they shook their heads and simply said they knew it all already. They walked off. I wanted to follow but they waved for me to stay. I could not move my feet. The deepest pain I had ever felt in my life squeezed my heart. I cried and still I could not wake up.
The wind rose and roared in my ears now. The sun burned my skin. The flowers wilted and the bones turned to dust which rose in a cloud around me. I choked on the dust and could not breathe and ran to get away from it. The sun came closer and was so bright my eyes were blinded. It consumed me and then abandoned me leaving total, chilling darkness. I could feel nothing in the void. My feet were no longer on the ground. I could not feel myself. It was as if I had no body. I called out for help. There was no answer. I called again and kept calling until I admitted to myself that no one would hear. I was alone. Completely and utterly alone beyond time and space. I prayed and still I could not wake up.
Nothingness surrounded me, defined me, numbed me. I wanted to hope. Hope for an end to being alone, to the nothingness, but that passed into the void, too. I knew that I was trapped by myself, in myself, in true nothingness where form, shape and substance did not exist and time was irrelevant. What is the purpose of being if there is no other, no one else to be with? My soul wanted to die and still I could not wake up.
What was I? Where was I? Who was I? I had no reference points any more. No voice I could hear in ears that no longer existed. Only my thoughts. Nothing else. I knew every thought I had ever had and every action that had come from them. They taunted me, the good ones and the bad. Too much to be ashamed of and too little to be proud of. Now I realized I wasn’t going to wake up.
I sank into the nothingness, accepting it, willing myself into it. Joy and sorrow no longer existed. Guilt and pride faded. Sins burned away. I prayed, not for myself but for all and for the nothingness I wished to join, the nothingness I deserved. Slowly, it came to me as I sloughed off everything. Desire dropped away, fear followed, and every moment, every feeling, of my life became nothing more than images on a film that burned away into the nothingness. Thoughts disappeared, being ended and existence was no more.
And then I woke up.
And then I woke up.