Saturday, May 3, 2014

Sunday Musings: May 4 2014



Hey there Musers!

Hope you've had a brilliant week and are having a relaxing weekend. As always, I'm ChrisChat and I've pulled our Muse Family's musings together. This week the Musers have taken up the challenge of rewriting a paragraph of theirs using only one syllable words. Not as easy as you might think.

And, looking at the original paragraphs, not nearly as fun and entertaining to read. Just goes to show you how words really do paint a powerful picture in our minds.

Now, I've taken the liberty to add in our fun back and forth conversations. As you can see, we do have fun here in the Muse Family House.

And, nope, not even going to begin to try and make this all one syllable.  Enjoy...

Now, it's up to you to decide if these rewrites were a success or not...either way, it's been fun.



JAMI GRAY, author

Okay, Chris, challenge accepted.  Here you go:

ORIGINAL OPENING:

Phoenix in July. People called it Mother Nature’s rendition of hell on earth. They were wrong. Hell existed on the other side of the world, in a much more treacherous desert. If it let you go, you ran, long and hard and as fast as you could.

You couldn’t hide, but you could try. I’d been running for six, long months, jumping from one remote place to another, chasing wildlife with a camera for a paycheck.  A safer endeavor than chasing two footed monsters.


 ONE SYLLABLE TRANSLATION:

Vale of the Sun, fried by a month of dog days.. Peeps name it Mom Earth’s sham of hell. They were wrong.  Hell drew breath on the far side of the globe, in a much more dire arid land. If it let you go, you ran, long and hard and as fast as you could.

No hiding, but you could try. I hit the road long ago to duck out of sight. A snap and click to bag life in the wild, all for a buck. Best way to stay in front of those with with vile goals.


Yep, Faulkner, watch out dude, I'm coming for you....


Chris...Love it Jami... Check word 'hiding'. :)

Jami...Dang it, okay, umm...let's change that line to Can't hide, but you could try. See, I caught the July one (and man was that tough).



Boy am I glad I'm not limited to words of one syllable.

Original: "You didn't have to wear the monkey suit." Major Brad Reynolds smiled at the Aleyni dressed in Terran formal wear. It was late afternoon, Brad's first day on Aleyne. Until a moment ago, Brad would rather have settled into his quarters than attend the formal reception welcoming him here.

One Syllable: “You did not have to wear the suit.” Brad smiled at the man dressed in the tux. It was four, late in the day, Brad's first on the planet. Up til now, Brad would rather be in his room rather than here.


Chris...Hey, Margaret. Hehehehehehe...take another look Chris...who might not know her syllables, though  LOL

Gloria...Sorry to say Margaret but there are two two-syllable words in the rewrite: planet and rather.

Margaret...Yikes! Thanks.


Margaret...for  first RATHER, substitute LIKE TO HAVE  and for second omit:

Original: "You didn't have to wear the monkey suit." Major Brad Reynolds smiled at the Aleyni dressed in Terran formal wear. It was late afternoon, Brad's first day on Aleyne. Until a moment ago, Brad would rather have settled into his quarters than attend the formal reception welcoming him here.

One Syllable: “You did not have to wear the suit.” Brad smiled at the man dressed in the tux. It was four, late in the day, Brad's first on the planet. Up til now, Brad would like to have been in his room more than here.

_____________

Words of one Syll


A lass, for in my plight

the count I took at night.

The count was off.

My hat, I doff,

to those who got it right


*************M, smiling, twiddling thumbs, looking innocently up at ceiling. *************



First passage from Natasha's Dream.

“It’s ridiculous,” she grumbled. The disembodied voice from the radio forecasted a week of roller coaster temperatures. “I’ve got four seasons’ worth of clothing in the laundry basket.”



"Grrr," she said.
 The D J warned of a week of up and down temps. "I've got shorts and long wool sweats that need washed.


I'm glad we're not restricted. Can't imagine an entire book written this way.


Chris/Heather...'ed' words unsure...grrr...we're going with the one syllable, dragged out



This was fun! Here is the opening paragraph to Aizai the Forgotten (it's not published yet, but I assume it's ok for me to do anyways...[Chris...of course]):

Original:

In the beginning, there was light, and in the end, darkness. But what happened in between? Wolfdon was determined to find out. Indeed, he had made it his duty to discover what had become of that little world, that spark which had fallen into existence for the briefest moment, a piece of stardust landing in the black maw of the sea, its history devoured, but not entirely forgotten.

1-syllable version:

At the start, there was light, and in the end, dark. But what was it like? Wolf had to find out. He had made it his task to learn of that world, that spark which burned for a brief time, dust from a star that fell in the black maw of the sea, its past gone, but not lost.




This was harder than I thought. Whew...

I saw him the other day. It happened when I cut across Market Street and passed in front of the fancy new coffee shop. On the other side of spotless glass, waitresses in crisp black uniforms served expensive coffee in fancy cups and saucers. One man sat alone at a table by the window. No one I knew, just a handsome stranger who glanced up as I passed. Our eyes met and I froze in the middle of a busy sidewalk crowded with impatient people. Annoyed, they parted, sweeping past me like water rushing downstream.



I saw him one day last week. It was when I crossed the road and passed in front of the plush new place to eat. Through the clean glass I saw girls in crisp black duds serve black drinks out of rich cups and plates. One man sat by the window with no one else. No one I knew, just a hunk who glanced up as I passed. Our eyes met and I froze mid walk in the crowd of irked guys and gals.  Mad, they split and fled past me like rain drops on their way to the sea.




Original:
London 1822

Mariah Fox stabbed a long pin through her straw bonnet, attaching it to her upswept mass of ash-blonde hair. She tied the ribbons beneath her chin, drew back capable shoulders, and stepped into the street. The city air, heavy with the rank smell of the Thames and the fumes of a nearby tanner’s yard, struck her in the face.


One- syllable:
The City Docks 1822

Miss Fox stuck a long pin through her straw hat to hold it in her high mass of ash blonde hair. She tied the strings on her throat, drew up from her waist, and went on the street. The docks' air was thick and rank. Fumes from a skins' yard hit her in the face.


Not an improvement, I think. Cannot reduce the date - does that make it a fail? Is 'tied' one or two?


MARY WAIBEL, author

OK. I thought I'd give this a shot with the opening paragraph from Quest of the Hart.

Original:

The black stallion poked his head over the door of the stall and snorted out a greeting. Princess Kaylee stood on tiptoe and brushed a hand over his silky mane.


One Syllable version:

The black horse set his head on top of the door of the stall and made a snort to say hi. The girl born to the king and queen stood on the tips of her toes and set her hand on his mane and felt the silk of his hair.


This was lots of fun, and quite challenging to rethink into one syllable words.


J.Q. ROSE, author

Sunday Musings May 4 from the first chapter of  the mystery/sweet romance, Coda to Murder.

“Wilma, quick shut the door. We don’t want her escaping from the bedroom,” Pastor Christine Hobbs said in a hushed voice. She pressed her fingers to her lips to signal Wilma to keep quiet while she surveyed the spacious room.

# # # #

“Quick, shut the door. We don’t want her to get out of the room,” Hobbs said in a hushed voice to the old gal.. "Be still and don't talk. Shhh,"  Hobbs crept around the large room to take a look at the bed, the night stands, the drapes and every spot on the floor and walls.


Margaret...around has two syllables


Chris...dang this isn't easy...but sure is fun



This was an interesting exercise.


When the pigeon first spoke to Jennifer that morning in the playground, she responded by pretending to examine something absolutely fascinating at the top of a nearby tree.  Her every instinct told her to ignore the talking bird.


            When Jen first heard the bird speak, she knew not to say a word.  You’re too smart for that trick, she thought. Just stare like a dumb blonde at the top of a tree.  Do not look at that rat-with-wings.  Do not look!



DAWN KNOX, author

From DAFFODIL AND THE THIN PLACE

“First, I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason why these persons may not lawfully marry to declare it now,” said the vicar, peering over the top of her glasses at the congregation.
In the silence that followed, while I was thinking how unlikely it was someone would speak up and stop a wedding, a single voice rang out.

And here it is, one-syllabled!

"First, I need to ask if you know why these two may not wed in law and to say so now," said the rev, with a look at the folks in church.
No sound.
I thought no one will speak up and stop it... and then a voice rang out. 


I think I may have cheated slightly with 'rev' for vicar and not mentioning the vicar looking over her glasses though. Is that ok?



Chris...everything's okay in a fun exercise



GLORIA OREN, editor

My adoptive parents-to-be, Zindel and Anya Oxenhorn, welcomed my birth mother, a pregnant teenager, to their home in March 1955, to await my birth.


One syllable: My mom and dad to be took my birth mother who had a baby in her womb to their home in March 1955 to wait for my birth.


Chris...hmmm ;)



Dear reader, thank you again for joining us and we’d love to hear from you. Keep smiling and have a fun week. Never stop believing. See you next Sunday…nothing better than being cozy in bed with some Musings.


If you have a question or comment you’d like us to muse upon, do not hesitate to contact me Christine Steeves-Speakman  at MuseChrisChat@gmail.com






2 comments:

Anne Stenhouse said...

Oh Dear! Anne Stenhouse

Rachel Schieffelbein said...

What an interesting challenge!