Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Santa Is a Lady

Hello Everyone and thank you for inviting me to talk here on Muse It Up Publishing's Blog.

My name is Angie Brightwell, but a lot of you already know me as Angela Brightwell.

Yep, I'm that Angela Brightwell, the tenaciously reclusive Best Selling Mystery Writer or at least I was the tenaciously reclusive mystery writer until I got caught up in this mess.

I live in the mountains just north of the famous Christmas Winter Wonderland, Northeringale, the very same Northeringale you all make the traditional holiday pilgrimage to every year.

All was well in my world until Northeringale's Santa was arrested five days before Christmas for being a slimy SOB who had child pornography on his computer. Can you imagine anything sleazier? Well, of course you can; the investigation into Sleazy Santa is, of course, ongoing.

My best friend, Beck Cavington, owns and operates the popular confections store Sweets and Treats on Northeringale's Main Street. Actually, it's Northeringale's only street. Any of the other streets are offshoots, and aren't really counted.

Back to Beck, she hired the disgraced scumbag and he's been sitting on her Santa Throne, inside her store, listening to the Christmas wishes of the eager children hoisted onto his lap since Black Friday, and getting pictures taken with them, to boot; as part of the Santa gig. All of this on Beck's dime. I mean that is just so much yuck! I'm going to need a shower just telling you about it.

Beck doesn't do panic very well. Her S-O-S calls out to all the Santa Colleges...(and can you imagine there actually being such universities?)...were unsuccessful. All the professional Santas are already out there knee deep in their "Jolly Old Elf" duties long before December 20th.

Which is why I found a very panicked and outlandish Beck knocking on my mountain hideaway door, and no, I'm not telling you which offshoot I live on. There are just some secrets this mystery writer has to keep.

Beck and I have been friends since we were in grade school, but that didn't stop her from latching on to this harebrained idea that I, Angie Brightwell, all 5'5" of me, all 110 pounds, soaking wet of me, should slip into the Big Man's red suit and leave my contented seclusion for the final crunch days before Christmas.

I tried to point out to her that my child-like voice is going to have my "Ho-ho-ho's" coming out sounding more like "He-he-he's", but old friends know which buttons to push to lay on the most guilt, and make it nigh on impossible to say no, with too much conviction.

However, this has Disaster written all over it, but honestly L.J., Julian Harper? You had to make my personal disaster be Julian Harper?

Okay, I'm hyperventilating here, but then thinking about Julian Harper will do that to just about anyone who lives within 100 miles of Northeringale.

Back to my story; I'd rather be home, working on my next murder mystery, instead I'm stepping into an itchy red suit, whiskers held onto my normally hairless face by some concoction Beck comes up with that I fear may have Krazy Glue as its base ingredient, and a terrible fear my voice is going to give away our deception before I utter my first "he-he-he."

Of course you're gonna love little Johara Drayton this delightful cherub who has the dishiest father I have ever seen in my entire life. This is bad, I'm drooling again. Mystery writers are not supposed to drool, but Oh God, Cameron Drayton could make the Rock of Gibralter drool.

And as for our diabolical author L.J. Holmes, what a cruel, cruel predicament you have placed us all in. All I have to say is you'd better give us a happy ending, L.J. since I'm making a list and checking it twice!

You can find out what happens to all of us on December 1st when my story Santa is a Lady is released right here at Muse It Up Publishing, but I have a feeling, knowing L.J. she's going to be popping in here from time to time dropping little hints about my stint in the Big Man's suit between now and then. Did I remember to call her diabolical?

Oh and before I forget, my story is the first in L.J.s' Christmas Miracles series, so maybe she's got something good up her muse's sleeve. I guess we'll all just have to stay tuned in and find out.


Unknown said...

Hmm and just who is this diabolical sounding Julian Harper?:-)

Craig Gehring said...

This sounds like a great read! Thanks for introducing yourself, Angie.

Lin said...

Oh Thanks Kat and Craig. I really enjoyed blogging for L.J.

To answer your question, Kat...Julian Harper...I'm getting panicky goose bumps up and down my spine just at the thought of him. Julian doesn't mean to be a walking catastrophe...I hope...but he's that and more...and he's sort of mean while his parents coo and call it "cute".

Let me give you an example; one of my fellow Northeringale neighbors had a boy a year after Julian's parent's had him. When the little boy was about 18 months old and Julian was 2 and a half, they were playing in a sand pile in the park. Julian started teasing the other little boy and thought it would be fun to shove the other little boy's face down into the sand, while his mouth was open.

Julian's parents marveled at how talented Julian was in creating a living SAND PERSON, So Julian has grown up determined to never make less of an impact on his surroundings than he made creating his human sand person.

He's one of those people that makes you forget anyone else in in the area the minute he walks into a room because you know you're about to become a participant in something inevitably bad. I hate to use the "j" word when talking about a kid, but it's true. Julian is a walking JINX!

And Craig, I like your picture. If I wasn't drooling over Cameron Drayton, I might start drooling over you...Hubba Hubba.

Roseanne Dowell said...

You are definitely a talented writer. Even your comments are fun. I can't wait to read this story. I love Christmas books and I really look forward to this one. I already love Angie.

Marsha A. Moore said...

Love your humor! Nice to meet you, Angie.


Viviane Brentanos said...

Great read. Certainly sounds like an exciting read.


Lin said...

Thanks Marsha and Viviane, but really, I taught L.J. everything she knows about writing and being a storyteller. My mystery books are absolutely classics...what's that you want to know where to go to get them...well now...oops, the water just whooshed from the other room and I really have to go yank my cat out of the potty...she seems to think when it swirls, a new universe is going to come out to greet her....when it retreats insted, she decides to follow it...not a pretty sight.

Christine London said...

This reminds me of the drunken Santa in Miracle On 34th Street. Naughty man! What a woman to step up to the plate. You go girl!!

Christine London

Lin said...

Thanks Christine.