Saturday, October 2, 2010

Bonella Fires In on Nancy Bell

The Queen of Gab strikes again...

NANCY: Greetings, Bonella. My answers to your interview questions are below. Thanks for interviewing me (I think)

BONELLA: Great, she begins scared. This day is turning out great so far. Better than yesterday. Remember this from yesterday? ‘I think you still need to work a little on your PEOPLE skills.’ Oh really? Are you brave to allow me to interview you? Not that I are the interview questions and if you don't answer I will post my own answers to diss you nice and bad. Oh wait, you agreed. Sucker!

Nancy: Greetings Oh Queen of the Dead, it is nice to make your aquaintence. Of course, I would be dead pleased to be your guest.

BONELLA: We’ll see how pleased you’ll be after the interview. So what's up with this Curvis guy? You have the hots for him?

Nancy: Curvis is this lovely walking dead guy I met while editing his story. He still has most of his bones, not being a gambler and losing them in a game of dies. I thought he would suit you down to a T-bone, you could compare bones and your impressions of un-living in a dead man's world. Opps, I guess I should say dead person's world. No offence, Oh Bone Queen. I certainly don't have the hots for Curvis, although he is kind of cute in a green decomposing kind of way. I'm just a matchmaking kind of girl, this seemed like a match made in the graveyard.

BONELLA: I pick my own bone men, thank you very much. I hear around the cemetery that you're an editor. Guess you need 'people skills' to fulfill that job, right? So how come they gave you that position then?

Nancy: Well, Bonella, you met Lea earlier in the month. It was her decision to hire me and I'm very happy she did. Ummm, yes.... people skills. They do come in usefull; although sometimes I think I have to watch out for the voodoo dolls in the mail full of pins. Seriously, I love all my authors that I work with. Each one has truely amazing stories to tell, I am priviledged to read them first and in a small way help them grow up and be ready to venture out into the world.

BONELLA: Since you feel the need to diss me I'd like to know if you have some sort of a problem disconnecting your characters with your 'real' personae.

Nancy: All my characters are connected in some way to my 'real' personae. Some more than others, of course. LOL If you really want to 'know' an author read their books, don't talk with them in their living room. In real life I hide most of my inner self; in my writing I let that part run riot over the pages.

BONELLA: Run riot. Yep, I’d like to see you…

Lea: Reminder…etiquette as hostess.

BONELLA: Bummer, you’re here. Okay…Miz Nancy, if you had a chance to relive your life all over again, what would you do different? Yeah, yeah, hanging around you humans is beginning to leave a bigger and uglier taste in my bones, but answer the question while I book your psych for an appointment.

Nancy: I would meet Lea earlier in my life journey! Other than that I'm disgustingly satisfied with my life.

BONELLA: Disgustingly, nice choice of word…you’re beginning to wear down my bones. Think I like you.

Nancy: I wouldn't trade my husband of 33 years for anything, my sons both grew up to be wonderful caring men. I have known some amazing horses throughout my life who have taught me incredible things.

Ohh! I'm sorry dear, did all that sweetness and light make you hurl up bone-balls? Here, let me get you a tissue and I'll just pick up that mandible bone you lost for you. Here you go, Bonella--gingerly hands Bonella her jaw bone--

BONELLA: Bones smartened up. Back on my dislike list. Going back to this Curvis guy...ah, forget about it. Just tell me how hard it is for you to write a story, and please make it seem miserable. You're beginning to sound like a goody good two-shoes. Gonna have to interview a few of my pals later and show you what a good interview is all about.

Nancy: Before you write Curvis off I really do think you should consider attending The Killer Valentine Ball with him.

Hmm, writing is hard you know. My Muse wakes me up at all hours and demands I get my butt to the computer and start transcribing what she tells me. One time she had me tied to the keyboard for 6 hours. Six hours--

BONELLA: sorry for the interruption but as an editor please stick to either 6 or six, geez.

Lea: Etiquette!!

BONELLA: You still here?

Nancy: A girl's gotta use the powder room once in a while. Well, maybe that's not such an issue for you, Bonella. Then there're the days the dang Muse just takes off and leaves me with a deadline and no words to get me there. --shakes her finger at Bonella-- Quit laughing, you boney old thing! You probably bought her the plane ticket to the city of NoWords on Writer'sBlock Island.

BONELLA: Sorry, but that finger looks kinda tasty and if you don’t stop shaking it at me it’s…wait, Lea still here?

Lea: Yes!

BONELLA: Dang, woman, leave me host this festival.

So we're at the end and have strict instructions to make sure and say 'thank you' - Thank you for being my guest today. Now if you please forgive me I'm going to toss my guts and purify the air of human stench.

Nancy: Thanks, Bonella, it's been a slice. I'll be looking to see if you mis-quote me. Hallowe'en is coming and there's nothing like a good bone-fire to keep you warm. If you get my drift?

BONELLA: ha…ha…ha…color me funny and tickle my armpits…bone-fire. The door’s that way. Better yet, why don’t you just jump out the win—

Lea: humph

BONELLA: What? I was going to say jump out the winner’s door. Yeah, that’s it.

Stay tuned for more, folks. And for those who dared to join our Readers Group, be on the watch for a few YouTube Videos to be blasting your way. First person who YELLS OUT THE NAME OF THE SONG IN THE…sorry, got excited…first person who yells the name of the song in the readers group gets to win The Killer Valentine Ball e-book.

By the way, Lea, some of my pals are going to be dropping by this month to help me host.

Lea: OMG!

BONELLA: lalalalalalalala hehehe lalalalala hehehe


Roseanne Dowell said...

Boy, she keeps getting meaner and nastier. Glad I'm not at the end of these interviews. She'd take me apart. Great interview, Nancy. Good way to put Bonella in her place!

Unknown said...

LOL...I agree with Roseanne!!

Sue Perkins said...

That was fun! I don't think I've ever enjoyed an interview so much. Nasty but light humored too. Lovely interview.

Marsha A. Moore said...

Will be interesting to meet your friends, Bonella. Good job on the creepy interview, Nancy. And Lea, thanks for keeping order. Wouldn't want my editor to lose a finger or two.

Pat Dale said...

Way to go, Nancy. Don't take any stuff off old Bonella. She sure has a chip on her, well I was going to say shoulder but she seems to be a little short in that area. Anyway, I can't wait to take her on.
Cheers, or should I say chills,
Pat Dale

Killarney said...

Way to give her 'hell' Nancy! Hum wonder if she has any mummy friends...Should I bring a few Tbones in case she invites a warewolf?

MuseItUp Publishing said...

BONELLA: My friends are coming and boy are you guys in trouble now.

Cellophane Queen said...

I would love to have Bonella meet my gypsy corpse Griselda. She might have a bone to pick with her.

MuseItUp Publishing said...

BONELLA:Bones, bones, guys writers or what? That's the best you can dish out?

Anonymous said...

Another fun interview by Bonella. I'm looking forward to meeting her friends.

Roseanne Dowell said...

Bonella did something with our esteemed leader. Did you notice it's Bonella doing all the talking and from what she said on Facebook, Lea is chained up someplace.

Roseanne Dowell said...

Bonella, you don't want to suffer my wrath if you don't release Lea.

Unknown said...

Clever and entertaining.

Lin said...

Bonella is trying to release she has the chance. But she needs to remember October 31st IS followed by November 1st...and if I remember my theology that's ALL SAINTS day...and I cannot help wondering how...crypt-ic they will be when they judge her Hostess skills? Something to keep in your fragmenting DNA, Bonella.

Anonymous said...

Great interview ~ kudos to Nancy for keeping her composure - and fingers - intact; Bonella digs deep and her friends will likely do the same for in-depth, entertaining and, yes, revealing interviews ~ thanks for sharing the literary repast ^_^

Unknown said...

This is just too funny. Way to go Nancy for giving as good as you got.:-)

Sara Durham Writer ~ Author said...

You know, if we could 'flesh her out', then maybe we could use Bonella as
a Voo Doo Doll... What do you think Nancy?


Charlie said...

Sounds like Curvis could teach Bonella a thing or two. haha. Enjoyed the interview.


Anonymous said...

Fun!! In a horrifying sort of way - thank goodness for Lea cropping up throughout. Nancy, I can only say, you really do play well with others.
Kay Dee