Monday, May 30, 2011



as in Time Line jargon, she's my

Grandmother, but Nonnie was then and always will be so much more.

My birth mom, Nonnie's daughter, liked her

Four Roses Whiskey and liked it long before I was born...which means I was born with

symptoms of

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, even though we didn't know to call it that. What I was told by my legal parents, is I'm the

spawn of the Devil...and that hurt this confused child who could not understand what I had done to carry such a

demonic designation.

But not from Nonnie...despite the scar across my right butt cheek that branded me, Nonnie

loved me, unconditionally. She enjoyed the confused little girl. Every night, after the two of us put the

kitchen to right, we would plunk ourselves down at the huge farm-sized

table and play

cribbage, two-handed

pinochle, and

solitaire. The teasing was sweetly caustic. I never felt the sting from Nonnie's words because they were so liberally


with love and warmth.

The day Nonnie let me move from the over sized bedroom I shared with two of my three brothers, into hers, was the day I knew God lived inside my Nonnie, and she was actually my

guardian angel in the flesh.

Nonnie adored African violets. You see

the bay window upstairs? This is the room I shared with my Nonnie. That entire bay held her precious

African violets. I felt so big and

important when Nonnie stood off to the side and allowed me to tend her precious plants.

I was only eleven when Nonnie left me, driving me

to my knees with agony no amount of physical beatings could duplicate.

I'm almost sixty now and not a day goes by that I don't ache for missing her.

I only have the one dad destroyed all the family photos without giving us a chance to retrieve any first. But luckily, the only one I DO have is of Nonnie holding the chubby, (I was 9 lbs 2 oz at birth), baby that adored her then, adores her still, and always will.

Had Nonnie not given me those

eleven years to build from, I despair for the me I would have grown into.

I chose to claim this day for my May Muse Theme because today is Nonnie's birthday.

I love you Nonnie. Thank you for showing this imperfect child that she was worthy of your unconditional love. I hope the me I've become makes you proud.

Love Always and Beyond,
Your "Little One."


Wendy said...

That's lovely, Lin.
I miss my Nanas too.Both of them lived to see my children and I am grateful my children got to have photos taken with them. Yes, missed and irreplaceable.

Lisa Forget said...

I am touched, moved and speechless. Thank you for sharing, Lin.

Barbara Ehrentreu said...

Lin, your love for your Nonnie shows through all of this post. I'm sure your Nonnie would be very proud of you indeed. I had a very close relationship with my grandma until I was about 11 too. She moved to be with my aunt and uncle and then they moved her into a nursing home. But she was my rock when I was younger and I miss her very much too. Happy Birthday to your Nonnie. She must have been something to have shaped you into the person you are now.:)

Lin said...

Thank you all for coming in and sharing my love and longing for Nonnie. I never want to be less than the me that she can take pride in.

Heather Haven said...

Saviors come in all forms. I'm glad your Nonnie was there for you, at least for a short time. I'm sure she's smiling down on the person you've become. Let's make this the official Praise Nonnie Day, a woman everyone can emulate.

Lin said...

Thank you Heather. I am deeply touched.

Tanja said...

What else can I add - maybe what I said on facebook - that everyone needs an Eric just as everyone needs a Nonnie. And it goes without saying that everyone needs a Lin - I am blessed for having met you.

Terra said...

There are no imperfect children and you my dear were the apple of your grandmothers eye. I am so glad you had such a wonderful person to learn what love means. It is a honor to have met you and get to know the wonderful person you are.


Rosemary Morris said...


No one is perfect, but you were a child and did not deserve the cruel treatment you received from those who should have loved and protected you.

I thank God for your grandmother who gave you the unconditional love every child deserves.

Thank you very much for sharing your love for your grandmother and revealing your past pain which takes courage,


Rosemary Morris

Lin said...

Thank YOU Rosemary for your kind words. I know my Grandmother shaped me, and had she not been in my life, I'm not sure I would be who I am today or even here to be whoever that is.

She taught me the joy in stories from the time I was little. I only hope I am half the story-weaver she was. She kept the little Me very enchanted.

Lin said...


One of the greatest things to come from my day at Whipped Cream was finding you and the friendship that continues to grow. Thank you.

Lin said...

Tanja, My Sister in Malta. When I was little we did not realize the world was filled with people just like us...our concept was far too narrow. Back then I could never have imagined I would one day be in daily touch with someone from so far away, distance-wise. Miles by the thousands may separate us, but thanks to modern technology and the magic that is Muse, you are in Malta, but a rich part of the Lin being sculpted here today.

To all of you who came in and learned of my abiding love for Nonnie, thank you for opening your hearts and letting us in.

Tanja said...

Lin, in such a short time you have become one of my mentors, alerting me to truths about myself I never even knew existed. I am so proud, so happy, to be a part of Muse.

Glenn Kleier said...

Lin, it's incredible that you were so sensitive to, and appreciate of your relationship with Nonnie as an eleven-year-old child, retaining the memories vividly all these years. A tribute not only to Nonnie, but to the remarkable person that you are. You've paid forward Nonnie's love to the many friends you now touch, and I'm grateful to know you.