Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Interview with Kat Holmes by Bonella Sticks

BONELLA: So I hear around the poison ivy that you guys missed me. HA! Where are your hosts...huh...aren't they supposed to be entertaining you bozos? Sticks and stones may break my bones...but your idiot hosts have DOGgone left this party it seems. Regardless, I'm here now...they can kiss my skinny butt.
Enjoy my first interview with one of your creatures: Kat Holmes

Get out!!! You’re still with Muse? Be still my non-beating heart. What the hay!! Thought by now your Lighthouse ghost would have scared the crap out of you. Oh more victim to add to my list.
Below are the interview questions. Miss one and you’re mince wait...that’s the portion I’ll add while I stew you alive.

So now I hear not only are you hearing ghosts but you’ve completely wiped out the poor gods and have them working. What are you...nuts? Love to play on the dangerous side? Don’t you on the dangerous side...gods won’t hurt you...NOT! So what’s up with this Gods series? Can’t you still play with normal folks?

What’s normal? I learned long ago not much in this world was normal. And you are living…err not living proof of that.

By the Gods of the Undead…she realized I’m dead. Ten leech-infected cookies for her. By the way, are you named Kat because your mom loves cats? Does this mean the nut factory is alive and kicking?

I happen to love cats myself. And yes there is a nut factory near hear. I hear they put out really tasty salted peanuts. You should try some. Might put a little meat on those old bones of yours.

SLIM RIBBER: Hi, Kat...remember me?...OUCH!

BONELLA: Why would she remember you, Slim? Uh? What? I thought so. So come on, Kat Woman, what’s the fascination with Gods, Lighthouses, Ghosts...well, ghosts are cool...but lighthouses? They just have a wheel that goes round and round and round and round...and a light that glimmers on an empty body of water.

KAT: But lighthouses also have a past rooted in mystery, disappearances, and murder. One lighthouse in particular, known as the Execution Rock Lighthouse was first used by the British to drown colonial soldiers and later taken over by a mob hitman who dumped his victims into the water just offshore. As for my love of Gods, well, let’s just say they have personality. They could make you tremble.

BONELLA: Perhaps they could but you forget I’m dead and nothing scares me. I have been instructed to ask a normal question. What other works are you preparing? Answer while I check out your can.

KAT: Well, in spite of your graphic description of how you are going to avoid my response…

BONELLA: Now there you go…assuming and putting words in my mouth. Hold on…need to shut the door…OKAY…I’M SAFELY IN THE CAN…

KAT: I’ll answer you anyway. Currently I’m working on a sequel to Artica Lights series and then I’ll be starting a new series and working on the next book in my vampire series. I’m very very busy.

Door creaks open and Bonella walks back into the interview room.

BONELLA: I’m sure your answer was…um…educational. Well tie you upside down and knock your brains are now the Head Reviewer? HA! Guess I could be surprised. And what exactly does that head of yours review?

KAT: Well, personally I review my own stories. But as head reviewer my job is to make sure other authors get their books out there in the world for critiques. It gives them exposure which of course can help sales.

BONELLA: And I’m sure you go in and add a few negative comments, right? No?!?…Need to wrap this up...have better places to go, more people to pester...where can humans find you so I can make sure to tell my buds NOT to visit.

KAT: Well I am with Muse It Up of course. I also am on Twitter and Facebook. I have a website, blog and a BTR show as well. And I know you and your friends WILL stop by. You just can’t resist me.

BONELLA: Oh, we CAN resist you, trust me. Once a year meeting up with the stench of you humans is more than us undead can handle.

BUTCH: And this concludes the interview.

BONELLA: Helllloooo…and you are?

BUTCH: Your nightmare. Be afraid…be VERY afraid.


Unknown said...

Kat, congratulations on your excellent composure in handling such an obnoxious soul. That bag of bones needs a little romance in her life. A little make-up, some deodorant, mouthwash (I know I'm pushing it with that one) and who doesn't understand the magic of a lighthouse? I think we can add brainless to that tart.

Great one-sided interview Kat. You're writing abilities are to die for. That could explain some things about your psychotic hostess.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cyrus Keith said...

Now, Karen, you really need to watch your tongue. There may be more...sensitive readers out here. But as for the old Bone-Bag, it seems that Kat has come out relatively unscathed. Well done, lass!

Lin said... Boney trying to scarf off with your can cup? I remember my biology classes and skeletons do not have need of facilities, so keep an eye on your can cup when she's hovering about. Kat can tell you there was a time when her brother tried to abscond with Spatz beneath his shirt...Unlike Mama Bear, Spatz ALWAYS had a tail.

Lin said...

Karen...a flea dip too? Maybe?

Susan Royal said...

My first taste of Bonella...(cough-cough-hark-spit) NASTY

Roseanne Dowell said...

Great job handling the spindly old thing. Ah flea dip might be an excellent idea, too. Even with that, Karen, I doubt she could find someone to romance her. Not with that attitude.

Unknown said...

I enjoyed doing this. Bonella is so funny. At least these interviews aren't routine. LOL

Sue Perkins said...

Everyone thinks Bonella is nasty, but I think she's lovely. A real hoot and lovely to talk to. Now that should really get her angst up and running.

Heather Haven said...

Bonella, did anyone tell you how much you resemble the '60s actress and model, Cappucine? Of course, her detractors said she looked like an ostrich, but that's a step up for you, right? I meant that in the nicest way possible.

Lin said...

Ostrich? head buried? Alternating facial mud bath and mud packs a cracking?

Hang on...I'm digging out my industrial sized hobby quality magnifying glass. Inch by inch I am scanning Boney's skin.

Boney those mud baths need something more. Emolients maybe....or less salination. Cause whatever you're using, you're bones are dusting away and not at all prettily.

Maybe you should think about TEAL...a nice teal hat with powerful peacock feathers. At least the eyes would be drawn away from your...deterioration and you might actually get compliments..Lets fact it, everyone feels better when they get compliments.

gail roughton branan said...

Bonella, we've just gotten started. That was just one of the Muse writers and look how we circled the wagons. You've got a whole month to go. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And I finally got a comment through, too! So there!

Jolie said...

Loved the interview. Halloween is my favorite month. What other time of year can you get interviewed by a bag of bones? And Kat you are a busy lady. I don't know how you do it.

N.J.Walters said...

LOL Great interview. And you are one busy lady. Don't know how you manage it all.

Anonymous said...

OMG - brought out Bonella OR Bonella brought out you (LOL)

Love the you (Kat) put Bonella in her place...sorry, Bonella, but you deserve to hang upside yourself. I don't like the way you talk to my friend.

Kat - do you think that will help??

Fun times at the Muse.

Kristin Battestella said...

Oh boy!!!!

Unknown said...

LOL it is very hard to put Bonella in her place. But it is so much fun to try.:-)

And NJ that is quite a compliment coming from you considering how busy I know you are.

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