I've heard this asked before in other
venues, so the Musers are giving it a shot:
Going back to yourself at age 13-17,
what would you tell your younger self?
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| Me? ChrisChat |
Don't fight your emotions. Own and acknowledge them. Don't just listen
to your parents and grandparents...HEAR them. It's true, there is a light at
the end of the tunnel and rest assure everyone else around you is just as
confused, scared, and mixed up. Then again, don't change one thing. To change
one thing is to change your future and guess what, your future is pretty dang
great!
Accept yourself. Listen to your inner
voice, and don't dismiss the words that are annoying, uncomfortable, or go
against what someone else thinks is right. Don't dismiss the possibilities--
don't limit your imagination.
I was totally clueless at that age, and
young for my age. To be fair, I grew up in a different time -- the Stonewall
riots were the year I graduated college. I was in college before I had a clue I
liked girls as well as boys, and years after that to acknowledge I preferred
them.
Open your eyes is what I'd say to my
younger self.
What would I tell my younger self?
1. Know that there is a bigger world
than the tiny hamlet you were raised in. This means that, just because you do
not see writers in the houses around you, does not mean you cannot become one.
Believe. Write. Write some more. Look outward and study what you see.
2. Know that just because you were
raised in poverty does not mean that this is your fate. You are smart and
hard-working, so many more things are possible than you can imagine. And you
can actually influence that.
3. Know that you can rise above.
Hardship is merely a life lesson, if you can find your way to the other side of
it.
And if I could keep Younger Me's
attention, I'd add: Stop wasting your nickels and dimes on junk food! Save a
bit.
Well, I'd say this:
"I know you find the idea of
growing up scary and beyond imagining but the world isn't full of infallible
adults, like you think. It's full of large children, who are mostly trying to
do their best. And as such, you will have a place amongst them. You will make
mistakes, like everyone else and that's fine. Better than that, making mistakes
is good. It means you've tried. Learn from your mistakes and move forward.
Don't see them as failures that inhibit you. See them as opportunities. In
fact, see everything in your life that at first sight appears to be negative as
an opportunity for good. The way you view something determines what it actually
is - look at a disadvantage as if it is an advantage and that's what it will
become.
Take part. Take control. And if
something is not as you would have hoped, change it if you can. If not, view it
differently so you see its positive aspects."
Sadly, I know the 13-17 me wouldn't
have taken in a word of this!
What I'd tell my 13-17 year old self is
to Go for Gold.
Believe you can do anything and you
can.
The world's your oyster.
Take more chances.
Travel every time you have money to
spare—it's more important than a new couch.
Never say no to anything you're
offered. Who knows where it may lead.
Go with your feelings, trust them.
Don't eat dairy food—it's bad for your
brain chemistry
Realize you're pretty and not
unattractive, like you think you are
Realize you have a good brain—use it
Apply to be a flight attendant—the
lifestyle will suit you. You'll love it.
Know that no matter what you decide on,
you'll do it. Flight attendant or wine maker, you can do any of it. University
would have been easy for you.
Realize you're a good person. Pick
better men to go out with.
Explain your horizons even more than
you think you can
Know that being different is actually
an asset
Celebrate your exuberance, never lose
it.
People actually like you. Be confident
in yourself.
Oh, the list could go on. I did all
sorts of crazy wonderful things when I was younger, but I wish I'd done a hell
of a lot more. I wish I'd trained as a flight attendant. Later I probably would
have trained earlier as a pilot and flown commericially.
Thanks and aloha Meg
Thinking back about myself at those
ages I would probably say that you should forget what other people say and just
do and say what you want. Don’t try so hard, because you don’t need to do that.
Your writing is better than you think it is now. Be happy writing comes easy to
you. It doesn’t happen that way for most people. You won’t believe it, but you
will have not only one but two published books later in your life. Though you
don’t think you will attract anyone, you will actually meet the man you will
marry at 17. Of course, you won’t realize this until a few years later.
Study more in college and don’t play so
much bridge and hang out with your friends. You need to have a higher average
to do well in life. You don’t care about this now, but it will play a part in
your life later on and you will be sorry you didn’t study more when you were
younger. Though you will go back to school and become a Reading Specialist when
you are older and have taught for years. At this time you will also realize
that what you really want to do is write and you will start your first novel
there.
Above all try to look at the world and
accept yourself for who you are. Right now you feel ugly and unloved, but that
is going to change and you are going to have a great and varied life with a
family and two beautiful daughters. Keep on your path and don’t let anyone make
you feel you are any less than you are no matter who they are. Always try to
see life as beautiful and appreciate all that you have.
Ah, where do I begin? That chat could
be ongoing and endless!
Some things will work out, others, not
the way you hoped.
Persevere and keep smiling.
Me now--"Want to take your head
out of that book for a second?"
Young me--"Is it important?"
Me now--"Depends on how you take
it."
Young me--*rolling eyes, almost
literally* "Could you be any more emo?"
Me now--"I could, but I won't,
just listen up."
Young me--*making a showing of closing
book* "Fine, you have my attention."
Me now--"Look, I know things have
been rough--new family, new city, new school--but I promise, this weird feeling
of being out of step, it's normal. Do me, well you, a favor, don't worry about
being different, you're going to own that soon."
Young me--*shoulders stiffening, lips
thinning into mutinous lines*
Me now--*stepping in before YM's mouth
opens* "All of this...everything you've survived, there's a reason you're
still here. You're stronger than you know. And that young man who makes you
laugh and forget, you'll want to be nicer to him. He's going to be around
awhile."
Young me--*puzzled and a little
panicked* "I have plans, they don't
include guys. I'm getting out of here and I'm going to do things, go
places."
Me now--*secret smile* "Don't
worry you will, just not the way you think. So here's what I want you to hold
on to--those dreams you're hiding about writing, having a family, trying new
things--it's going to happen. Don't rush it, enjoy the journey. And while you're out there making your mark,
don't forget who you are, not who you want everyone to see, who you are. The
only person who has to accept you, is the one staring back at you from the
mirror." *Goes to leave*
Young me--*anxious and worried*
"Wait, can I ask you something?"
Me now--"You can ask, but I might
not answer."
Young me--"Is it worth it?"
Me now--"Hell, yeah it is. Every
damn moment is worth it."
I'd tell myself it's okay not to have
all the answers. It's okay to change your mind about what you want to do in the
future (heck, by the time you hit 35, you won't even be working in the same
profession as what your degree is in, and that's okay, too.) Don't get hung up on the guys, there is one
out there for you, and he's awesome. Have fun, try new things, and live life to
the fullest.
To my younger self, "Remember and
never forget, money is everything. Money makes all things possible. This is not
a cynical attitude or belief. It is reality. In your distant unemployed future,
the Army's Defense Finance and Accounting Service will sit on your paperwork
proving they owe you 3-months retirement backpay, because they can. You will
become destitute, borrowing hundreds of dollars from family and friends just to
survive. Because you will be unemployed and have no money you will not be able
to lend a hand to your future homeless grandchildren in Hawaii who will be
spending their second night in the family van, after the engine caught fire.
The third night your future grandchildren, ages 2, 4, and 5 years old, along
with two older siblings, will finally have a place in a homeless shelter. So
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER forget, money is everything, and money makes all things
possible."
What would I tell my younger self?
Keep on writing even if you're not
selling at the moment and maybe won't sell anything for quite a while. It's telling the story inside you that's
important. Besides, the only way to
learn how to write really well is by writing.
I'd say to get that day job and do your
utmost in it. Never slight your family
and friends, animals included. Use your
spare time to write. The discipline
you'll acquire will be invaluable in every aspect of your life.
Daydream about those wonderful things
you know you are not likely to have.
Work for those dreams that can be achieved, even those that seem far
beyond you at the moment.
Keep yourself open to love, and never
lose the wonder and excitement of the creation around you.
At 13, I was dealing with a lot of
emotions, mostly about how I could appear cool and still do the things that I
enjoyed – reading outside what girls were expected to read and what I wanted to
read, and writing stories. I’d tell my younger self to ignore the rest of the
world and do what felt good, to reach for the stars no matter what others
thought. To develop a persona that was completely me instead of trying to be
like everyone else. Whether or not I listened to myself is up for grabs. Back
then, being part of a group was pretty important, but so were my dreams.
Comments to myself at 17.
You are thin. You don’t have to lose
weight now. Enjoy.
Love yourself. You’re not perfect, but
you’re never going to be perfect. What you can be is the very best YOU in the
world.
You have many lives ahead of you. Enjoy
each one. Even those that seem a mistake at the time. You’ll learn from those
mistakes and be able to help others from them.
People are going to love you. Don’t
fear that you’ll be alone or unloved.
Don’t be afraid to try. Even if you
don’t make it, you’ll learn and grow from the experience.
Working hard is important, but so is
playing hard. Don’t work all the time. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect.
Oh, the places you will go. The people
you will meet. What a life you have ahead of you! More blessings than you can
imagine!
Dear reader,
thank you again for joining us and we’d love to hear from you. Keep smiling and
have a fun week. Never stop believing. See you next Sunday…nothing better than
being cozy in bed with some Musings.
